“I travel East looking for him—I find no one;
then West, but not a trace;
I go North, but he’s hidden his tracks;
then South, but not even a glimpse.
“But he knows where I am and what I’ve done.
He can cross-examine me all he wants, and I’ll pass the test
with honors.
I’ve followed him closely, my feet in his footprints,
not once swerving from his way.
I’ve obeyed every word he’s spoken,
and not just obeyed his advice—I’ve treasured it.
Scripture quotations from The Message. © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress, Colorado Springs, CO. All rights reserved.
Last December on the morning of our children’s Christmas program at church, we gathered upstairs in the rooms normally used by our youth and waited to enter the Family Life Center for our musical performance. Some of the children played games and watched movies in one room. Others sat in the common lounge or visited the restroom (located just off the lounge area). A few others took a peek at the room where the youth worship on Wednesday nights.
A lot of people were coming and going, and it was pretty chaotic. There is an elevator entrance in the lounge area, so several adults use this between services to gain access to other parts of our church facility. Timmy and Zola had been in the “game room,” but both needed to go to the restroom and get drinks. I was helping Zola find the restroom, and I thought Timmy was waiting on me in the lounge. When I turned back to speak to him…he was nowhere to be found.
I frantically searched every room. I called for him. I looked everywhere I could think of, and then I just stopped and stood still…hoping that he would find me. Perhaps he had gone downstairs to look for his parents and Uncle Greg? I could not imagine it…but my mind ran a little wild for a few minutes. And then…he was standing beside me, cackling with laughter. Timmy had been hiding in a dark corner behind some chairs and wouldn’t answer my calls. He thought it was hysterical.
I didn’t want to upset him right before the performance – and his solos – so I tried to remain calm as I explained to him that this was not at all funny. I told him that I had been incredibly frightened…and that he must never do this again!
There was a part of me that knew in reason that everything was okay…that Timmy was being an 8-year-old boy and having some fun. But there was a part of me that was becoming a little unhinged. We simply do not live in the same world as when I was a child. Sadly, we cannot count on everyone being our friend – even in a church setting. I had asked God to bring Timmy back…and for the few minutes that seemed like hours, I simply had to trust that He would do this – and He did!
On Day 14 of study in The Purpose Driven Life*, Pastor Rick Warren talks about times in our lives when God seems distant. He describes how we search east, west, north and south, just as it says in Job 23:8-12 – and we often come up empty. We all want so desperately to feel God in our lives…to have an emotional connection with Him. And honestly, God wants more than that. He wants us to trust Him at all times…even when we cannot feel Him.
Perhaps God wanted me to trust Him to take care of Timothy that Sunday, even in the moments when this boy was not physically in my presence…to know that He was in control – and protecting him. Maybe this was a little bit of a lesson for me that our children are growing up – and I won’t always be right there with them. I have to trust that God will keep them safe, even as they sprout their wings and venture out into the world on their own.
I am an emotional person…a good “personal interest” story on the news can move me to tears! But in the last few years, I have felt emotionally dry. In some of my saddest moments, tears wouldn’t come. Maybe you have experienced this, also. You want God to wash away all of your sadness, anger, frustration, and doubt by allowing this huge emotional release. Instead, you sorta get “crickets”. You may have wondered…”Has God left me here?”
I wrote a note in the margin of one page of this chapter…”A true test is surrendering an area of your life to God, and then receiving additional trials and troubles. You expect rewards, but instead, He tests you. You want to say, ‘I did what You asked, so now what? Why is this coming to me?’ The lesson is to say, ‘I did what You wanted – no matter what!’”
The truth is that God needs us to trust Him – and live for Him, no matter what we are feeling. He wants us to pour out our hearts to Him…to even rant and rail, if necessary. But God also wants us to stop, stand still and consider that even Jesus was allowed to temporarily feel His Father’s distance and desertion. Surely Jesus had every reason to cry out to God and ask, “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” (Matthew 27:46) But we also know that even in this moment, Jesus died for us and sacrificed His very life, so that we could gain everything and truly live!
We must come to a point where we trust God and experience His care even when we cannot “feel” Him with us. In our most profound moment of “emptiness,” God is still with us…waiting for us to acknowledge Him absent any “emotional connection”. Perhaps it is in these times when we feel distanced from God that He does His biggest work in us. And maybe, He is waiting for us to stand still and just “be” in His presence – and allow Him to do the heavy lifting. Are you ready to trust God at all times and in all things? Isn’t it time you were?
©2018 Debbie Robus
*The Purpose Driven Life ~ http://purposedriven.com
Daily Devo Time 